Blast from the past

'Twas the nocturnal segment...

'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St. Nicholas.

The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically through their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal head coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous exterior portion of the grounds there ascended such a cacophony of dissonance that I felt compelled to arise with alacrity from my place of repose for the purpose of ascertaining the precise source thereof.

Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers sealing this fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar brilliance without, reflected as it was on the surface of a recent crystalline precipitation, might be said to rival that of the solar meridian itself - thus permitting my incredulous optical sensory organs to behold a miniature airborne runnered conveyance drawn by eight diminutive specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule,
aged chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became instantly apparent to me that he was indeed our anticipated caller. With his ungulate motive power travelling at what may possibly have been more vertiginous velocity than patriotic alar predators, he vociferated loudly, expelled breath musically through contracted labia, and addressed each of the octet by his or her respective cognomen - "Now Dasher, now Dancer..." et al. - guiding them to the uppermost exterior level of our abode, through which structure I could readily distinguish the concatenations of each of the 32 cloven pedal extremities.

As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was performing a 180-degree pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved - with utmost celerity and via a downward leap - entry by way of the smoke passage. He was clad entirely in animal pelts soiled by the ebony residue from oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had accumulated on the walls thereof. His resemblance to a street vendor I attributed largely to the plethora of assorted playthings which he bore dorsally in a commodious cloth receptacle.

His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while his submaxillary dermal indentations gave every evidence of engaging amiability. The capillaries of his malar regions and nasal appurtenance were engorged with blood which suffused the subcutaneous layers, the former approximating the coloration of Albion's floral emblem, the latter that of the Prunus avium,
or sweet cherry. His amusing sub- and supralabials resembled nothing so much as a common loop knot, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment appeared like small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water.

Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking piece whose grey fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive of a decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His visage was wider than it was high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal region undulated in the manner of impectinated fruit syrup in a hemispherical container. He was, in short, neither more nor less than an obese, jocund, multigenarian gnome, the optical perception of whom rendered me visibly frolicsome despite every effort to refrain from so being. By rapidly lowering and then elevating one eyelid and rotating his head slightly to one side, he indicated that trepidation on my part was groundless.

Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the aforementioned appended hosiery with various of the aforementioned articles of merchandise extracted from his aforementioned previously dorsally transported cloth receptacle. Upon completion of this task, he executed an abrupt about-face, placed a single manual digit in lateral juxtaposition to his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium forward in a gesture of leave-taking, and forthwith effected his egress by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke passage. He then propelled himself in a short vector onto his conveyance, directed a musical expulsion of air through his contracted oral sphincter to the antlered quadrupeds of burden, and proceeded to soar aloft in a movement hitherto observable chiefly among the seed-bearing portions of a common weed. But I overheard his parting exclamation, audible immediately prior to his vehiculation beyond the limits of visibility: "Ecstatic Yuletide to the planetary constituency, and to that self same assemblage, my sincerest wishes for a salubriously beneficial and gratifyingly pleasurable period between sunset and dawn."


http://tinyurl.com/OhHoHoHo

Life imitates art

Calif. city's police to wear head-mounted cameras
AP – Sat Dec 19, 10:49 pm ET
SAN JOSE, Calif. - San Jose police are testing head-mounted cameras to record interactions with the public.
Full Story »

Scene from "Real Life" by Albert Brooks

Lucy at the vet's office

Apparently the view of the bus stop is fascinating.
Lucy has never met a chair she doesn't want to sit in.

More corporate sponsorship fallout

Tuesday, December 16, 2009 11:48 am ET

Manhattan, NY - From Madison Avenue comes another cautionary tale about corporate marketing campaigns and their spokes personalities. As one marketing analyst explained, "The face of the corporation is very important. When you identify it with a single person or thing, it’s important to convey a positive image. We all remember Clara Peller, the ‘Where’s-the-beef?’ lady. She was so cute and made everyone think of Wendys. Or was it Hardees? Well, anyway, that's not important. Today, when people think of a gecko, caveman or stack-of-money-you-can-save-by-switching, we all think of Geico, right? Well, no longer.”

Many will recall last weeks’ emergency news conference in which Geico announced they were dropping the googly-eyed stack of money from their marketing campaign. As a Geico representative explained during the question and answer period, “We thought we were being smart. We wanted to avoid having all our eggs in one basket, so to speak, so we came up with the unprecedented strategy of having three distinct simultaneous campaigns.” She continued saying, “It became apparent with the economy as it is that people no longer found a stack of money endearing. They felt it was mocking them.” She recalled speaking to a former customer, now living in his car who asked, “Where is all that money we saved now? I don't have it. I think you have it.” The representative added, “It was scary. He was really upset.”

This morning details of a new scandal involving another of the spokestriad emerged. “Caveman”, as he is commonly known, is reported to have recently discovered fire and is alleged to have burned down several libraries, two newspaper stands and a Barnes and Noble. According to police reports, the much put-upon, motorcycle-riding, bowling-going, jet-setting, prehistoric-dude-about-town apparently thought trees from near his cave had been taken, strangely cut and were stacked inside the alleged targets. As the distraught, soon-to-be former Geico spokesperson was being led away in handcuffs, he was overheard screaming, "Arrrr! Treebooks bad! Geico bad! Fire good!" Inexplicably several Starbucks were also targeted.

On a possibly related note, Geico representatives are said to be looking into the mating habits of the common green gecko.

(c) MDJ 2009

Elfis

Lucy says, "I've been good, have you?"

I'm trying to be not to be naughty Sand3aye...

It's easier to be good when someone else is playing "Elfis"

S3 thinks, "I'm not sure about this time of year..."

words that strike fear

PHOENIX (AP) - A tentative agenda being developed by Republican leaders for a possible legislative session next week includes temporarily raising the sales tax and loosening protections for voter-approved laws.

=-= soapbox mode on =-=
temporary tax
Have you ever seen any temporary tax repealed? I can't recall one.

and "loosening protections for voter-approved laws" Excuse me? Does that mean what I think it means? Sounds like we vote for (or against) something we think is important, then someone decides what's best for us. Remind me again why voting is important.

Next we'll be told the candidate receiving the majority of the votes actually didn't win. That couldn't happen, could it?
=-= soapbox mode off =-=

-- now back to funny dogs pictures and stories

trammel

I guess this is an appropriate post for Must Heart Dogs because I have one of these models, but the end of the handle was chewed off by one of my dogs as a puppy. Not sure which one though. Woof!